That water is evil!!!!!!

First, I must disclose that I am a Methodist so it is ok for me to talk about them.  I was in my office one day when a call came in to test the water at the Moore's Gap United Methodist Church. I of course jumped at the opportunity to fellowship with my fellow Christians, so I grabbed a sample bottle, a lighter, and some hand sanitizer and sped to the church.  I knew why they were worried about the well water as soon as I pulled up, the church is less than a 1/2 mile from the Chestnut Ridge Landfill (think dump).  I took the sample and sent it to the lab. The next day Bobby from the State Lab called me and said the sample had E. Coli in it along with a lot of other not so good for you organisms. I immediately called the contact number I had for the church to warn them.  A kindly older lady answered the phone and after explaining who I was and that the water was unsafe she started to question me. "Can we wash dishes with it?" ......"No Ma'am"........."Can we wash our hands with it?"........No, definitely not"......."Can we use it to wash the towels?"........then I said  " NO, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT IT IF YOU CAN HELP IT." This finally drove the point home and I got off the phone. The next day my supervisor called me to let me know that I shouldn't scare little old ladies....Turns out, she had already looked at it.

PS: Turns out all of the wells we tested in this area ended up contaminated due to the landfill, so city water was ran to the people of Moore's Gap with grant money, all because the people at that little church were worried enough about their water to have it tested. Your pal the Envirocapitalist.

One cold night.

I am sure we all have friends that seem larger than life, I seem to have several.  Big Ron has been my pal since I was five and saying he is a rugged outdoorsman would be like saying Michael Jordan is a basketball player. The first time I realized Ron was not normal was on a frigid weekend which we were planning on meeting up with some of our friends from UPS in the Big South Fork National River and Recreation area to do a little exploring and camping.  We had drove up separate so he was already on the scene when I arrived.  It tickled me when I got out of my Ford Ranger and realized that Ron and I prepared similarly while the troop we had met up with seemed to have brought everything but their houses with them. I have met sultan's who travel with less. I have to admit though that I enjoyed all the goodies these fellows had and a lot of it was for the enjoyment of their wives whom had come with them (my wife doesn't do winter camping).  As the night wound down the crowd retired to there tents while I climbed into the back of my truck which I had put an old twin mattress in. Before getting into my sleeping bag I peered out into the desolate camp to see Ron with his blanket laying on the ground next to the fire. I said " hey Ron why don't you get in here with me." without even rolling over he replied "that little bed is to short, I be alright by the fire." I shot back." suit yourself, but it is going to get down in the twenties tonight.  In his defense my wife says I am horrible to share a bed with (you know because of the snoring and groping). I awoke the next morning with a cold nose which was the only part of me sticking out of the sleeping bag. I peaked out the back of the truck and found four inches of snow on the ground and to my horror I saw a lump where Ron was. I sprung from the truck without even dressing and shook Ron thinking he had froze to death. He said " What the hell are you doing" I stuttered " It.....it... snowed" Ron shot back " you don't think I know it snowed, I slept in it last night." I returned to my truck embarrassed and thinking who sleeps in the snow.........Big Ron that's who". Your pal the Envirocapitalist.